


On the Cusp

by im_your_hope



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Alternate Universe, Brothers, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, High School, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Oblivious Youngjae, Rating will go up, possessive jaebum, psuedo-incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_your_hope/pseuds/im_your_hope
Summary: “This is Youngjae. Be nice to him or I’ll kick your ass.”
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 46
Kudos: 166





	1. Jaebum and Youngjae sittin’ in a tree...

**Author's Note:**

> Choi Youngjae is KILLING ME this comeback. Have you seen the live stages for Poison and Aura?? I’m in love. I’m deceased. This entire fic was inspired by that red lip gloss they put on Youngjae for the official Not By The Moon MV. I’m not even sorry. Choi Youngjae has the MOST KISSABLE lips and you cannot convince me otherwise.

How did a high school freshman get invited to a senior party?

Well, technically he wasn’t invited -- his older brother Jaebum was. Also: he wasn’t actually a freshman anymore. That was last year. And, the party was for students who were about to enter their senior year of high school, so the term “senior party” was not _entirely_ accurate. But, he was probably overthinking it. 

(He was definitely overthinking it.)

Back to the original question: in Youngjae’s case, it was because of his overprotective older brother, who insisted on dragging him along in spite of his protests that he would be _just_ _fine_ alone at home. 

Although, to be fair, Youngjae didn’t put up much of a fight. Even though none of his same-age friends would be there, Jaebum’s friends would be, and that was almost even better. 

Almost everyone at their high school knew of Youngjae as “Jaebum’s little brother,” so he got a few glances as him and Jaebum walked through the house, but no outright objections to his presence. 

The duo made their way to the basement, where the most sound was coming from. Youngjae could hear Jackson yelling all the way from the front door. In fact, Jackson was the first to notice their entrance: 

“Jaebum is here! And Youngjae!” Jackson bounded over to them excitedly, absolutely thrilled by their arrival. As they joined Jaebum’s group of friends, Jackson wrapped a friendly arm around Youngjae’s shoulders. 

“Hey, Youngjae -- look at this!” Jackson whipped out his cell phone and started scrolling through his camera roll. “I went to the zoo the other day, and -- oh! Here it is!” He shoved the screen in Youngjae’s face, and on it was a picture of a very cute otter.

“I saw this otter and it reminded me of you,” Jackson informed him, grinning widely. Without waiting for a response, he demanded: “Make this face!”

Eager to please, Youngjae smiled widely, keeping his lips firmly closed and leaning forward toward Jackson, who glanced back and forth between him and his phone and finally exclaimed: “It’s a perfect match!” with his signature high-pitched laugh. Jackson then made Youngjae demonstrate the otter face to the rest of his friends, who were simultaneously charmed and exasperated by the display. 

“Give him some room, Jackson,” Jinyoung admonished. He patted the empty space on the couch next to him, and Youngjae took the spot gratefully. Jinyoung was Jaebum’s closest and oldest friend, and was good at pretty much everything. 

“Now that you’re a sophomore, are you going to try out for the soccer team this year?” Jinyoung asked him nicely. He was the captain of their high school’s soccer team. 

“Yes! My friend Yugyeom is going to try out with me this year,” Youngjae told him. “Yugyeom is really good -- I think he’ll definitely make the team.” 

“We’ll see,” Jinyoung smiled mysteriously. 

Youngjae mostly listened to the others talk after that, unless he was asked a direct question. It was fun, though. He drank what Jaebum brought him (solo cups of red fruit punch, which tasted suspiciously like Hi-C, but oh well), and laughed way too loud at Jackson’s dumb jokes. 

Eventually, they moved to the backyard, where the rest of the soon-to-be seniors had migrated. The backyard was enormous, with a pool, a trampoline, and a huge flat plane of green grass that was surrounded on all sides by trees. Jaebum had driven quite a while to get them there, but Youngjae hadn’t realized the house was that far out of the city for there to be real, actual _woods._

The party-goers were gathering together in the middle of the lawn, talking excitedly over one another. From what Youngjae could hear, they wanted to play a party game. But, they were arguing about which one they should play. 

Without warning, a group of girls nearby squealed in excitement. Youngjae jumped back at the sudden noise and accidentally collided with Jaebum, who was standing beside him. He clutched his rapidly beating heart and smiled sheepishly as Jaebum grinned over at him, endlessly amused whenever something harmless startled Youngjae. 

Mark had also noticed Youngjae’s over-reaction, and he patted Youngjae on the shoulder, saying, “There, there,” as if Youngjae was a small child in need of consolation. Youngjae laughed heartily at the older’s antics. 

While he had been distracted, it seemed the group of girls had gotten the attention of everyone and were advocating their idea of a party game to play. Youngjae stopped laughing to listen. 

“It’s called Hide and Go Get,” a pretty girl was explaining, “It’s like hide and go seek, but when you get caught, you have to kiss the person who found you!” 

A kissing game, huh? Youngjae wasn’t surprised, but he also wasn’t sure he wanted to participate. Unconsciously, his fingers began to play with the hem of his sweater. He continued to observe quietly as the rules were decided. 

To his relief, they came to the agreement that all the boys would find a place to hide somewhere outside or inside the house -- no place was off limits -- and the girls would try to “catch” them after counting to one hundred. 

Youngjae swallowed nervously as the girls started to assemble in the middle of the lawn. Initially, he had thought it was better that the boys were hiding since that meant he didn’t have to try to find any girls to kiss, but now he worried about the opposite happening: what if a girl found him in a hiding spot? What would she do? Would she just leave him there and pretend she didn’t see him? (Even just the thought of a non-verbal rejection like that made him want to hide under a rock and never come out.) 

Then, there was the other possibility: what if a girl found him, and _did_ want to kiss him? The thought of kissing wasn’t foreign to him, but he had no… practical experience. What if she kissed him, and he was awful? What if she was disgusted? What if she _laughed_ at him? He never imagined his first kiss might be with an older girl… what if she told the whole school what happened?

They were ready to start. Quickly, Youngjae decided the only thing he could do was find a hiding place so good there was no way anyone would find him. With only that thought in mind, when the girls shouted “GO!” Youngjae sprinted in the opposite direction into the trees as if his life depended on it. Well, his social-life (or lack thereof). 

Distantly, he heard Jaebum call his name, and the girls started to count loudly for everyone to hear, but he just kept running. He made it into the trees and kept running, even though it was harder to see out there with the moon as his only light source. He kept going until he had a pain in his side and he couldn’t hear any noises from the party anymore. Looking around, he was completely surrounded by woods. He continued walking, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. 

_There’s no way a girl would come all the way out here,_ he assured himself.

A second later, he heard the sound of a twig snapping behind him. He whirled around in surprise, clutching his chest, but it was just Jaebum. 

“Oh! You scared me, hyung…” he whined, trying to catch his breath and calm his racing heart. 

“Where’s the fire?” Jaebum chuckled. “I’ve never seen you run that fast in my entire life!”

Youngjae laughed, amused even in his current situation. “I’m just playing the game, hyung.”

“I think you’re missing the point.” Jaebum raised a single brow at him. 

“No,” Youngjae contradicted quietly, looking down at his feet. 

“What, then?” Jaebum needled, stepping closer and leaning down to try and catch Youngjae’s gaze. 

Youngjae met his eyes for a moment, then looked away. “It’s embarrassing,” he admitted, pouting. 

“More embarrassing than the time you --”

“AAHH!” Youngjae interrupted, reaching over to cover Jaebum’s mouth with his hands. “You said we would never speak of that again,” he whispered even though they were alone.

Jaebum curled his fingers around Youngjae’s wrists, gently removing his hands from his mouth. He grinned at Youngjae, expectant. 

Youngjae sighed, pulling his wrists out of Jaebum’s grasp. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he confided. It sounded like a dumb thing to worry about when he said it out loud like that.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re only fifteen, after all,” Jaebum told him reasonably, but for some reason, the response annoyed Youngjae.

“I’ll be sixteen in less than a month, hyung,” he groused. Then, before Jaebum could respond: “And fifteen is pretty old, anyway. I mean, Bambam had his first kiss when he was _twelve!”_

Jaebum frowned slightly. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone, Youngjae --”

“And you had your first kiss when you were fourteen,” Youngjae tacked on, as if Jaebum hadn’t spoken. 

Youngjae would know. He had been there. It had been a much smaller get-together that evening. As usual, Jaebum brought Youngjae along so he wouldn’t be left home alone. But, when the game of Truth or Dare had started, Youngjae had been told to just sit back and watch. Even though he was just an observer, it had been very entertaining. That is, until it was Jaebum’s turn, and he chose “dare.” 

The girls had pounced, and dared him to kiss one of their friends, who had admitted in a “truth” confession earlier that she had a crush on Jaebum. 

Jaebum had accepted the challenge with grace, and hadn’t seemed to mind at all that his kiss was on display for everyone to see. After Jaebum had kissed the girl, she had blushed and smiled happily, as if it was the best thing that had ever happened to her. 

“Actually…” Jaebum’s voice brought him back to the present. “That wasn’t my first kiss.” 

Youngjae’s mouth dropped open. He threw his hands up in defeat and turned away, stomping off in a random direction. 

“Aww, don’t be mad!” Jaebum pleaded. He caught up with Youngjae easily and bumped their shoulders together. 

“I’m not mad,” Youngjae lied. He _was_ mad. He was so mad his hands were shaking. But _why_ was he so mad? The reason was unclear. It wasn’t that he was mad at _Jaebum,_ not really. He didn’t have to tell Youngjae about his first kiss if he didn’t want to. 

Youngjae’s shoulders slumped, and his anger morphed into sadness. He shook his head, annoyed with himself. What a dumb thing to get so worked up about. It was just that… he told Jaebum everything. He always did. 

Jaebum bit his lip and shoved his hands in his pockets. Youngjae could tell he felt bad about hurting Youngjae’s (ridiculous) feelings, but it didn’t make him feel better.

“So, I’m confused,” Jaebum cleared this throat, trying to bring them back on track. “If you want to have your first kiss, why did you run all the way out here where no one would find you?”

Youngjae blinked, caught off guard. When he put it like that… 

“I want to have my first kiss,” he agreed, “But I was scared that if a girl found me, she would see that it was _me,_ and wouldn’t want to kiss me.” 

“Why would you think anyone wouldn’t want to kiss you?” Jaebum asked. His brows wrinkled in genuine confusion. 

“Well, no one has wanted to before, why would they start now?” Youngjae complained, avoiding the real reason. “And plus,” he continued, before Jaebum could question him further, “I don’t know how to kiss anyway, so even if a girl _did_ want to kiss me, I would have no idea what to do.” 

“It’s not exactly rocket science,” Jaebum pointed out, a small smile curling up the corners of his mouth. 

“I know,” Youngjae lamented, “But what if she laughs at me? Or what if she’s grossed out? I don’t know if my confidence could handle that…”

Jaebum opened his mouth to reply, but then they heard a rustling in the trees behind them. Youngjae gasped and clutched onto Jaebum’s bicep with both hands, peering into the foliage to see who or what it was. 

“Come on,” Jaebum whispered. There was a large willow tree nearby. Jaebum led him through the hanging leaves to the wide trunk. They were quiet for a few moments, listening for another sound. The canopy of leaves was so thick, the two of them were concealed completely. 

“It was probably an animal,” Jaebum reasoned quietly. Youngjae agreed, and released his grip on Jaebum’s upper arm. 

“I guess I just have to accept that my first kiss will probably be terrible,” Youngjae sighed morosely. 

Jaebum bit his lip and glanced to the side, silent. He seemed to be thinking very deeply about something. Youngjae was prepared to wait in silence for whatever Jaebum was going to say. 

But, it was only a few moments later that Youngjae had a brilliant idea. This idea was so amazing, so _ingenious,_ that he actually hit himself on the forehead in disbelief for how stupid he’d been.

“Hyung!” he exclaimed, “You can teach me!”

“Teach you what?” Jaebum questioned hesitantly. 

“You can teach me how to kiss!” Youngjae was so thrilled with this plan he didn’t notice the slight pinkening of Jaebum’s cheeks. 

Jaebum cleared his throat. “What… what do you want me to do, exactly?”

“Anything you want, hyung,” Youngjae announced grandly. He would gladly accept any help that Jaebum would offer. 

Jaebum frowned. “Don’t give out blanket permission like that,” he lectured. “It’s dangerous.” 

Youngjae blinked. “But I trust you, hyung. I know you would never hurt me.” _On purpose,_ he added silently. 

Jaebum wiped a hand over his mouth. “Even with me,” he instructed in a serious tone. There was something in his gaze Youngjae couldn’t identify. Then he blinked and it was gone. 

Jaebum grinned. “The first thing you should know about kissing,” he began conspiratorially, “Is that the technique really isn’t all that important. What you really need to make a kiss worthwhile is _passion.”_

“Oh,” Youngjae breathed, his attention completely focused on Jaebum. 

“So that’s why it’s important you only kiss someone you _really want_ to kiss.” 

Jaebum paused, and Youngjae nodded to show his comprehension. 

“With that being said,” Jaebum continued, “Even though technique isn’t everything, it’s still an important part of kissing, at least until you get more practice.”

Practice… Youngjae needed practice… 

“For your first kiss, I advise you keep it simple. Mouth closed, hands to yourself. Then, if your partner is willing, you can work your way up from there.” He smiled and leaned back against the tree trunk, as if that was the end of the lesson. 

But Youngjae didn’t want it to be over yet. “Will you show me?” he blurted. Heat bloomed in his cheeks at the request, but he waited patiently for Jaebum’s reply.

Jaebum seemed to freeze in place. He didn’t even blink -- he just stared at Youngjae for a long moment, as if he was replaying the request in his head to make sure he heard it right. Then, he frowned. 

“What did I just say about only kissing people you really want to kiss?”

Youngjae’s flush deepened and his shoulders slumped. “I know it probably won’t be good for you, hyung…” he agreed, looking down at his hands as he said it.

“No. That’s not what I --”

“But I would feel a lot better if I could just try it once. And it wouldn’t count as my real first kiss ‘cause you’re my brother.” 

Jaebum was visibly confused by Youngjae’s logic. “Well… if you really want to…” he ventured. 

“Yes, hyung,” Youngjae pleaded. “I’ll do your laundry for a month in exchange if you want.” 

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to do my laundry.” He stepped closer, until Youngjae was pressed up against the tree trunk. 

He leaned in toward Youngjae very slowly, his eyelids lowering to half-mast. Youngjae gripped the tree trunk behind him and tried to remember Jaebum’s advice about good etiquette for a first kiss. _Keep your mouth closed and your hands to yourself._

Without Youngjae’s permission, his heart started beating faster as Jaebum leaned closer. _It’s just a brotherly kiss,_ he told himself. _Just one small kiss to try it out._

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Jaebum announced softly when his mouth was only a hair's breadth away from Youngjae’s. 

Youngjae closed his eyes and waited. 

He didn’t know what he was expecting, but the gentle press of Jaebum’s lips against his own caused pleasurable goosebumps to tingle all along his arms and spine. He could feel his nipples getting hard, which normally would have embarrassed him, but it just felt so _good._

Then it was over. 

Jaebum pulled back, their lips making a soft noise as they parted. 

Youngjae kept his eyes closed, simultaneously disappointed that it was over already and overwhelmed by the physical sensations. _No wonder people like to kiss so much,_ he thought to himself. He licked his lips and Jaebum made a small noise in the back of his throat. 

To Youngjae’s surprise, Jaebum leaned in and kissed him again. Youngjae gasped at the unexpected contact, accidentally breaking the rule about keeping his mouth closed. Jaebum didn’t seem to mind, though; he pressed a lingering kiss first to Youngjae’s top lip, then his bottom lip, separately. 

This time when Jaebum pulled back, Youngjae broke the other rule and grabbed the front of his hoodie in both hands. 

“Don’t stop,” he begged, shameless. 

Jaebum cupped his jaw in one hand and tilted his head to slot their mouths more firmly together. It took all of Youngjae’s willpower just to stay standing. His heart was beating so hard he could feel the vibrations of it pounding in his chest. 

Youngjae held on for dear life as Jaebum kissed him, brushing their lips together and tilting his head for a better angle. 

He couldn’t believe how soft Jaebum’s mouth was. His lips were the softest thing Youngjae had ever felt, and every time Jaebum brushed his soft lips against Youngjae’s, goosebumps travelled up his spine. 

“Kiss me back,” Jaebum breathed against his lips. It was a request and a demand. 

Youngjae’s soft moan of agreement sounded more like a whimper. He did his best to comply with Jaebum’s instruction -- instead of waiting for Jaebum to kiss him, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Jaebum’s lips. Then another, and another, and another, until Jaebum took control of the kiss once more. 

Youngjae sighed as he moved his lips under Jaebum’s careful guidance. 

Jaebum’s kisses had started out soft -- tentative, almost. But when Youngjae began to actively kiss him back, the kisses deepened. Jaebum pressed him bodily against the tree, and held his head in both hands, his long fingers threading through Youngjae’s hair to keep him in a solid grip. He pressed his mouth harder against Youngjae’s, sometimes for a prolonged moment and sometimes in little biting kisses that made his lips tingle. 

It was on a series of short, hard kisses to Youngjae’s mouth that Jaebum made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. 

“Open your mouth,” he ordered. This was a command to be obeyed, not a request for obedience. 

Youngjae parted his lips unquestioningly, allowing Jaebum to lick inside his mouth. At the first swipe of Jaebum’s tongue against his own, Youngjae moaned loudly, surprising himself with the strength of the sound. 

Jaebum kissed like a man possessed. All of Youngjae’s thought processes ceased, his entire world centered on Jaebum’s lips and tongue. In the back of his mind, he acknowledged he was moaning on almost every exhale -- breathy moans that would have sounded more appropriate in a porno -- but he couldn’t muster up the brain cells to care. The sounds were muffled by Jaebum’s mouth, almost as if he was swallowing them, and Youngjae liked how it felt. 

Other parts of his body were interested as well. The low-level arousal he had felt from the very first press of their lips together had quadrupled, and part of the reason for Youngjae’s moans was the frustration of being aroused without any relief. Because, while Jaebum had him pressed back against the tree, he was very careful to keep their lower regions apart. 

Although it seemed Jaebum’s new mission in life was to lick every single corner of his mouth, Youngjae also quickly became addicted to the sensation of licking into Jaebum’s mouth. The first time he tried it, Jaebum wrapped his lips around Youngjae’s tongue and _sucked,_ which was such a foreign sensation Youngjae pulled his tongue back, gasping. 

He tried the technique on Jaebum immediately after, earning a moan of approval from the older boy that made Youngjae want to rub the length of his entire body against him. He wanted to hear that sound again. 

But, suddenly, a different voice called out into the night:

_"Jaebum! Youngjae! Are you out here?”_

It was Jackson. 

There were other voices too, and they were coming closer.

Jaebum heard it too, and he pulled back to listen. Youngjae realized he was panting like a racehorse and covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the sound. 

“What the heck would they be doing all the way out here?” Mark questioned faintly. 

“Beats me,” Jackson answered. “I swear I saw them running in this direction, though.” Then he raised his voice again. “Jaebum! Youngjae! The party’s over! After-party at my house!”

Even though the voices were coming closer rather than moving away, it seemed Jaebum didn’t really care all that much if they were spotted, because he leaned in again to leave a trail of lingering kisses from Youngjae’s jaw down the column of his neck. Youngjae tilted his head to the side to give Jaebum better access, and had to bite down on his hand as every press of Jaebum’s lips against his skin left a trail of fire in its wake. 

“Maybe they went home,” Jinyoung suggested. Their voices were very close, but Youngjae and Jaebum were hidden inside the hanging branches of the willow tree. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jackson agreed in a subdued tone of voice. 

Youngjae’s body relaxed against the tree as the others started to walk away, their footsteps and voices gradually fading. He didn’t realize how tense he had been until his muscles relaxed. He dropped his hand away from his mouth, blinking hazily at the hanging branches around them. 

Jaebum’s kisses to his neck stopped, and Youngjae tried to focus his attention on the older boy, but it was hard to think through the fog of lust he was lost in. He made eye contact with Jaebum, distantly aware that his mouth was open and that he was still gasping for air as if he had just finished running a marathon. 

Jaebum was also breathing heavier than usual. His dark eyes held Youngjae’s for a long moment, and then travelled back down to his mouth. Youngjae licked his lips, and just like before, Jaebum was drawn in by the action. 

Youngjae _whined_ when Jaebum kissed him again, as if he couldn’t help himself. The pressure was achingly gentle, but even the light kiss was too much. It was _all_ too much. Jaebum’s lips, his tongue, his hands, his smell, his taste… Youngjae’s entire body throbbed with pent-up arousal, and it was just _too much._

He broke away from the kiss, tilting his head back against the tree. “Hyung,” he begged softly, his voice wavering dangerously. “Please.” He didn’t know what he was begging for: for Jaebum to stop, or for Jaebum to _keep going._

It seemed he would never know, because Jaebum stopped completely and moved away. With his body no longer pressed against Youngjae’s, there was nothing to stop him from melting to the ground. His knees gave out and he found himself laying spread-eagle on his front on the cool grass. It turned out to be an advantageous position for his current situation. If he had still been standing, his boner would have been on full display. 

He closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly, willing his body to calm down. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing the tips of his fingers against his lips, which were hot to the touch and overly-sensitive. 

“Hey, Youngjae. You okay?” Jaebum inquired from somewhere above him.

“Yeah, I’m okay…” Youngjae sighed softly, still keeping his eyes closed and absent-mindedly tracing his fingers over his lips. 

“Sorry… I guess I got a little carried away,” Jaebum apologized sheepishly. 

“Don’t apologize, hyung… it was good…”

Describing what just happened as being “good” was probably the understatement of the century, but Youngjae’s brain wasn’t back online yet. 

“Well, anyway…” Jaebum cleared his throat. “We should probably go home…”

“Don’t wanna get up…” Youngjae mumbled. He wasn’t ready yet!

“Youngjae…” Jaebum warned, right before he slid his fingers into Youngjae’s armpits from behind, causing him to jump up with a deafening laugh, holding his arms against his body and trapping Jaebum’s wriggling fingers there. 

“Okay, okay!” he gasped, his body a maelstrom of confusing sensations. 

Jaebum let go of him and Youngjae picked himself up, trying to adjust himself surreptitiously. Hopefully Jaebum wouldn’t notice…

He followed Jaebum out from under the willow tree and into the moonlight. Together, they decided which direction they should go in to make it back to Jaebum’s car. The walk didn’t take as long as Youngjae thought it would, but Jaebum’s old hyundai was a welcome sight all the same. 

The drive back to their house was silent except for soft music playing on the radio. Jaebum seemed to be thinking very hard about something, wiping his hand over his mouth and shifting in his seat. By then, Youngjae’s arousal had dimmed to a low simmer and had been replaced by fatigue. His eyelids refused to stay open and he almost fell asleep on the drive home. 

He dimly recognized the sensation of Jaebum pulling up the driveway, but couldn’t get his eyes to open even after Jaebum turned off the ignition. Youngjae was expecting to be jostled awake or tickled again, but Jaebum was silent. They sat there for a while in silence until Jaebum spoke:

“Youngjae…” he began tentatively.

Youngjae forced his eyes to open so he could look at Jaebum, curious about what he would say. His heartbeat began to pick up speed once again.

“What’s your earliest memory?”

Youngjae blinked, not expecting that at all. Where did _that_ question come from?

“My earliest memory?” Youngjae thought aloud, “Hmm… I don’t know.” It was something he had never thought about before. “I guess…” he tried to think back to when he was young, but was coming up blank. “I guess I remember driving up this street for the first time, after we moved,” he decided. He had been about five years old at the time. He wondered if it was weird that he didn’t remember anything before that. 

Jaebum nodded, frowning slightly even though he didn’t seem upset, merely contemplative. He got out of the car and Youngjae followed him, still very confused. 

The house was dark and empty. They trudged down the hallway and Youngjae stopped in front of his bedroom door, biting his lip. Jaebum walked past him, heading for the bathroom, but before he could close the door Youngjae gathered his courage and wrapped his arms around him from behind, hiding his face in Jaebum’s back. 

“Good night, hyung,” he mumbled, giving him a small squeeze and then retreating rapidly to his room, where he collapsed on top of his bed and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.


	2. Jaebum's Beard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the rating to Mature just to be safe. I hope you enjoy! :)

School started again in the blink of an eye. But time always seemed to pass faster when he least wanted it to. Although, school itself wouldn’t be so bad if Jaebum hadn’t found himself a girlfriend on what seemed like the first day of the new school year. 

Even though Jaebum was one of the most popular boys in his year, he had never had a _real_ girlfriend before -- someone he was interested in enough to see more than once. But, it was only the second week of school and already a pattern was forming. 

Every day, the final bell would ring, and Youngjae would pack his things and head to his locker to organize his books and bring home what he needed for homework that evening. Then he would head outside to the parking lot, which was a common place for the older students to hang out after school when it was nice outside, leaning against their cars and chatting. 

Last year, Youngjae would join Jaebum and his friends after school every day to talk. Then, they would either go back home or spend the afternoon with the others at a restaurant or some other place. The year before that, Jaebum had to leave school earlier than the others so he could pick Youngjae up from the middle school, which was about two miles away. 

But, _this year,_ when Youngjae walked out of the school doors and to the parking lot, he was inevitably greeted with the sight of Jaebum and his girlfriend on the hood of his car, in varying degrees of physical contact with each other. 

Now, Youngjae wasn’t upset that Jaebum had a girlfriend. He _wasn’t._ Her name was Sarah and she was one of the nicest girls in school and also probably the prettiest, and they were a really cute couple together. Also, if Jaebum was happy, then he was happy. It was that simple.

But.

What annoyed him was the excessive PDA. Youngjae didn’t see Jaebum or any of the other seniors at all during the school day as their classrooms were in different parts of the building, so maybe while school was in session they weren’t so clingy, but after that final bell rang, it was like they couldn’t stay apart. 

At first, Youngjae would join the group and would see Sarah happily seated in Jaebum’s lap, with his arms wrapped around her waist and his chin on her shoulder. 

And that was fine. 

Really, it was.

He would find a spot next to Jackson or Mark, who were always more than welcoming, and would avoid looking at Jaebum and Sarah the entire time, because it was just weird to see his brother like that.

Then, one day, Youngjae came to Jaebum’s car after school and was greeted by the sight of the two of them kissing languidly, off in their own little world and not caring at all that anyone could see them. 

The sight of it made him feel… strange. Like he was too hot and too cold at the same time. Maybe he was coming down with something. Standing in the circle of Jaebum’s friends that day had been torture. Even though he tried to block it out, he could hear the soft sounds their lips made as they kissed. 

When, the very next day, he was greeted by the same sight, he climbed inside Jaebum’s car and slammed the door, staring at his cell phone in the peaceful silence of the car instead of staying outside to socialize. Jinyoung caught his eye and mouthed if he was all right. Youngjae nodded and kept his gaze down after that. 

As this pattern continued, Youngjae realized he didn’t look forward to the end of the school day anymore. It wasn’t that he was _jealous._ He just didn’t like… being a witness to those… events. 

So, he figured if they weren’t going to leave for a while anyway, he would go to the library after school to get an early start on his homework. Jaebum wouldn’t miss him anyway because he would be too busy sticking his tongue down Sarah’s throat. In fact, he probably wouldn’t even realize that Youngjae hadn’t shown up after school. 

Except, that assumption turned out to be completely incorrect. 

Youngjae had just found a table and was rummaging through his backpack for a pencil when two warm hands fell on his shoulders. He let out a shout (luckily the library was pretty much empty) and whirled around in the chair. 

“What are you doing in here, Youngjae?” Jaebum asked, blinking down at him.

Youngjae’s mouth dropped open. It hadn’t even been five minutes since the final bell rang!

“I -- I was going to study…” he stammered.

“You can do that later. Come on, everyone is waiting,” Jaebum urged, pulling Youngjae up by the wrist. 

“I -- wait, hyung!” Youngjae exclaimed, hardly able to grab his backpack before Jaebum dragged him outside. 

On the way there, he was hypothesizing the reason for why Jaebum came to collect him, and decided that Sarah must not have been at school today. That would explain it. 

Only -- Sarah _was_ there, sitting on the hood of Jaebum’s car, waiting. And she scooted right in Jaebum’s lap when they arrived even as Jaebum pulled Youngjae down next to him. 

To say that Youngjae was confused was an understatement. 

Maybe Jaebum wanted Youngjae to be outside so they could leave when he was ready? He really couldn’t think of another reason -- it wasn’t like he actually talked to Youngjae or anything. So why would he care if Youngjae was there or not? 

Youngjae was so caught up in this conundrum he hardly even noticed the shenanigans taking place right next to him. 

His contemplative mood continued late into the night. As he was trying to work on his assignments for the next day, he kept getting distracted. Eventually he gave it up as a lost cause and got ready for bed. 

But, he couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. 

Why did Jaebum want him around? 

_Did_ Jaebum want him around?

Or did he feel obligated to include Youngjae because he’s Jaebum’s little brother?

What if he and Jaebum weren’t brothers? What if they were born in completely separate families? Would Jaebum act the same way then? Would Jaebum talk to him at all? Would Jaebum even know who he was? 

He gasped as it suddenly felt as if his chest had been hollowed out, because the truth was that if him and Jaebum weren’t brothers, Jaebum wouldn’t even know Youngjae existed. Jaebum was popular, and funny, and smart, and handsome, and people strived to earn his affection, while Youngjae was just some unimportant sophomore. Why on earth would Jaebum pay attention to him if he didn’t _have_ to?

Youngjae sat up in bed as his throat closed up and his eyes began to water. Just the thought of not knowing Jaebum -- and of Jaebum not knowing _him_ \-- made him want to cry. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like if Jaebum weren’t in it. 

Anxiously, he leaped out of bed and carefully walked the few steps to reach Jaebum’s bedroom door. He knocked softly, half of him prepared to leave without a response if Jaebum was already asleep or listening to his headphones. 

But Jaebum did open the door, frowning until he saw Youngjae. 

“Youngjae? What is it?”

He bit his lip and glanced down at the floor. Now that he was actually in front of Jaebum, his spur-of-the-moment idea seemed silly. But, he took a deep breath and a big step forward. He wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s waist and pressed his forehead against the side of Jaebum’s neck. 

“I’m glad you’re my brother,” he mumbled against Jaebum’s shirt. 

Jaebum didn’t respond. 

"If I could have any brother in the world, I would choose you,” Youngjae added, his cheeks heating in a blush. 

“Thanks, Youngjae....”

And although Jaebum returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Youngjae and holding him close, he did not return the sentiment. 

  
  


**

  
  


Youngjae’s sixteenth birthday passed with little fuss. Jaebum and his friends took him out bowling, and Bambam and Yugyeom were there, too. The day would have been absolutely perfect if it weren’t for the fact that his own father didn’t even remember his youngest son’s birthday. 

(The only thing surprising about this event was how much his father’s neglect could still hurt him.)

Soon after that, Youngjae decided he should get a part-time job. Jaebum worked every weekend and most weeknights at the movie theater in the mall and had since he was sixteen, which was how he was able to save enough money for his car. 

Youngjae didn’t need a car, but some spending money would be nice. (Even though Jaebum always insisted on paying for _everything.)_

For some reason, Jaebum was against the idea of Youngjae working, until Jackson suggested he get a job at a smoothie stand at the mall. Apparently the smoothie booth was directly across from the entrance to the movie theater. When Jaebum learned that bit of information, suddenly it was okay for Youngjae to work. 

Youngjae, for his part, was just glad to get a job of any kind. (Although getting free smoothies was a nice benefit.) 

Jaebum set his shifts at the theater to match Youngjae’s, and on the days when Jaebum worked the front ticket counter, often Youngjae would look up to see Jaebum making a funny face at him from behind the ticket booth. Sometimes Youngjae would make a funny face back. 

Sometimes after his shift Youngjae and Jaebum would sneak into a theater to watch a free movie. Sometimes they would eat dinner together at the mall food court. Sometimes they would just go home. 

Sarah was a constant during this time -- but only during the week. They didn’t meet on the weekends (as far as Youngjae knew). 

Spring arrived, and with it came the beginning of the boy’s soccer season. His high school was one of the larger in the district, so they were division one and competed against all the best high schools in the state. As such, soccer was a pretty big sport at their school, and earning a place on the team would not only be fun -- it would also boost his (currently non-existent) social status. 

Youngjae and Yugyeom were the first to arrive on the day of tryouts. Bambam came too, and they practiced juggling for a while, laughing at Bambam’s attempts. Annoyed, Bambam started ‘accidentally’ kicking the ball at the both of them, managing to nail Yugyeom in the stomach, which caused Youngjae to fall on the grass laughing while Yugyeom whined and held his stomach on the ground and Bambam danced around him in victory. 

That’s how Jinyoung found them. He observed for a few moments, one eyebrow raised, and then got down to business. There was a midfielder position open that Youngjae knew Yugyeom was gunning for, but Youngjae honestly didn’t care what position he played as long as he made the team. 

Mid-way through Jinyoung’s grueling try-outs, Youngjae noticed that Jaebum, Mark, and Jackson were all sitting in the stands to cheer them on. (Sarah was there, too, but Youngjae was happier, in general, when he didn’t acknowledge her presence. He also wouldn’t admit to himself that a lot of his motivation for making the team stemmed from the fact that practice was immediately after school, and therefore for two days a week he wouldn’t have to watch or be aware of Sarah and Jaebum being… coupley.)

Surprisingly, Youngjae not only made the team, but was given the position of forward, which was one of the most coveted and sought after on the team. Jinyoung was the other forward, and promised to personally work with Youngjae to help him develop his skills before their first game. 

As such, Youngjae and Jinyoung often stayed late after practice together. Youngjae didn’t mind -- in fact, he was grateful Jinyoung wanted to help him improve his skills. 

Since they left much later than the others, Jinyoung got into the habit of driving Youngjae home afterwards so Jaebum didn’t have to make a special trip to pick him up. This arrangement worked well for Youngjae, although it led to an unprecedented situation.

It had turned into a bit of a routine by that point: Jinyoung would drop him off at the end of his driveway with a friendly hug goodbye and Youngjae would walk around the side of the house to enter through the garage. Normally, there was nothing exciting at all about his homecoming -- he would eat a late dinner, take a shower, and go to sleep. 

But, on one seemingly average night in March, as Youngjae was walking around the side of the house, he came to an abrupt halt.

His entire body froze and he stopped breathing because Jaebum and Sarah -- right in front of the garage door where Youngjae wanted to go -- were making out on the hood of Jaebum’s car. 

Now, that act in itself was not a rare occurrence -- what made this different and unexpected was that Jaebum had never brought Sarah to their house before. Youngjae stood there like an idiot, blinking, shocked. He wouldn’t have believed it if the evidence wasn’t right there in front of him. 

And as he watched, the kiss began to change. Sarah reclined back on her elbows and Jaebum leaned over her, in between her legs. They were completely unaware of Youngjae’s presence -- they had to be -- because as he watched, Jaebum’s hands slipped underneath her shirt. She allowed Jaebum to pull her shirt off, and as he continued to kiss her softly on the mouth, he reached a hand behind her to unclasp her bra. Youngjae watched, entranced, as the white lace slowly slid down her chest.

Youngjae had never seen breasts before (in real life), so he wasn’t an expert, but he was convinced Sarah had the nicest breasts he would ever lay eyes on. They were beautiful -- two perfect handfuls, with pretty pink nipples that pebbled in the cool evening air. 

Youngjae knew he shouldn’t be watching this -- it was wrong on _so_ many levels -- but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

Jaebum placed a string of kisses down the center of her chest. Sarah sighed in pleasure and ran her fingers through his hair as he leaned forward to circle a dusky nipple with the tip of his tongue. 

Youngjae’s entire body was overheating, even as goosebumps broke out all over his arms and the back of his neck. He really _was_ coming down with something, because this display was _turning him on._ And the worst part was he didn’t know what he liked more: Sarah’s perfect body or Jaebum’s tongue tracing over her skin. 

Jaebum surged back up to kiss her mouth. He moved one hand from her waist around to her back, then down, down, down, until the tips of his fingers slid underneath the back of Sarah’s skirt. The rest of his hand followed shortly after, and that’s when Youngjae’s brain stopped working -- when he had his whole hand in the back of her skirt, stretching the fabric, so _obscene_ \--

He must have gasped, or made some sort of noise, because Jaebum and Sarah abruptly broke apart from each other and finally noticed him. Sarah shrieked and covered her chest with her hands, even as Youngjae slapped his hands over his eyes, running past the two of them and into the garage yelling, “I didn’t see anything!” like an idiot. 

He slammed the garage door behind him and sprinted up the stairs. He didn’t stop until he was in the bathroom, where he stripped his clothes off at lightning speed and jumped into the shower. 

He shuddered as the hot water rained down on him. His mind was in a frenzy. Jaebum had seen him. He had seen him watching them. He had _seen._ He _knew._ Oh god, what would Youngjae do? Jaebum would be furious, he would --

But Youngjae didn’t have a chance to worry about what Jaebum would do, because at that moment, Jaebum entered the bathroom. 

“Youngjae?” he announced his arrival, the sound of his voice accompanied by the sound of the door closing after he stepped inside. Youngjae squeaked in surprise, and he swore his heart stopped beating for a second. Then it started up again, at breakneck speed. He had gone into the shower to _hide,_ and now he was trapped in there, naked, with Jaebum right outside.

Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god…

“I’m sorry, hyung!” he blurted. “Jinyoung-hyung dropped me off after practice and I didn’t mean to see and I didn’t know you’d be there and I --”

“Youngjae!” Jaebum interrupted, his voice raised to be heard over Youngjae’s panicked rambling. “I’m not mad,” Jaebum added, and Youngjae took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. 

“You’re not?”

“Of course not. It’s natural to be curious at your age.”

Youngjae remained silent, contemplating Jaebum’s choice of words. _At your age…_

“You should apologize to Sarah, though,” Jaebum said. 

Youngjae winced. He would never be able to look her in the eye again, he was sure of it.

“Youngjae? Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I will, hyung. I promise,” he responded. 

The bathroom was quiet after that, and Youngjae focused on shampooing his hair and cleaning his body. It was silent for so long he thought Jaebum had left without him noticing, but then Jaebum spoke as he was rinsing off.

“So… are you?”

Youngjae lingered under the spray, still hiding. “Am I what?”

“Are you curious? About that kind of stuff? Are you interested in anyone?” 

Youngjae blinked and remained in the shower even though the water was getting cold. He didn’t know what to say. His mind was blank. He finally turned the water off and peeked around the shower curtain to reach for a towel. Jaebum was leaning against the sink and watched him out of the corner of his eye. 

Youngjae wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower. “Not really, hyung,” he answered Jaebum’s question. It wasn’t a total lie. Grabbing another towel, he bent over and started drying his hair.

“Hmm. Well, if you have any questions you can always ask me. I’ll help you.” 

Face hidden by the towel, Youngjae murmured, “Like with kissing?” 

Silence. Youngjae froze, his wide eyes staring sightlessly at the tile floor. This was the first time either of them had mentioned Jaebum’s kissing lesson at the end of last summer. They hadn’t spoken of it at all since that night, and Youngjae assumed Jaebum just wanted to forget it ever happened. 

“If you want,” Jaebum said casually, and Youngjae’s mouth dropped open. He snapped his head up so fast flecks of water splattered on the mirror. 

_“What?”_ he gasped, but Jaebum was already gone. Youngjae stared at the sink where the other boy had been leaning just moments before and blinked dumbly. “What?” he asked again even though no one could hear him. 

Jaebum was teasing him. That must be it. There was no other explanation. Either that or Youngjae was wildly misinterpreting the situation. There was no way -- _no way_ \--

\-- if there was one thing Youngjae had learned this year, it was that Jaebum is _straight._ Obviously Jaebum is straight, why would Youngjae ever think otherwise? But if he had he definitely knew it wasn’t true after these past months with Sarah. And then with what had happened that very night… 

Jaebum was messing with him, and he did not appreciate it. 

But as he laid in bed, a small voice in the back of his mind wondered, _What if he’s not messing with you? What if he means it? What if he_ wants _you to ask him?_

 _Don’t be ridiculous,_ he told himself. _Just forget about it, before you do something to push him away forever. It’s bound to happen sometime._

  
  
  


**

  
  
  


Jaebum and Sarah break up two days later.

Youngjae would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy. He _was_ happy -- ecstatic, even -- though he didn’t like to think about why. He felt bad too, though, because it was his fault. 

He had stayed with Jinyoung after soccer practice later than usual in the hopes of avoiding a similar situation he had run into the last time. He heard arguing voices as he walked up the driveway and realized his mistake. 

He stopped before rounding the corner. Should he announce his presence? He had to walk by them to get in the house… 

“I’m done, Jaebum,” Sarah’s angry voice caught his attention. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You only want to kiss me when your brother is watching. You don’t pay attention to me at all at school. We don’t even go on dates!”

Sarah continued to voice her complaints, but Youngjae wasn’t listening. _You only want to kiss me when your brother is watching..._

“-- what you’re doing is messed up, Jaebum. And I’m done.” 

Youngjae held his breath as Sarah’s footsteps approached. Jaebum didn’t say anything to defend himself. Sarah walked past Youngjae and down the street out of sight. Jaebum walked into the house and Youngjae let out a heavy breath.

He waited outside a few moments, debating what he should do next. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Sarah had said. _You only want to kiss me when your brother is watching._ Was that true? What did it mean? Maybe it would be better for him to pretend he hadn’t heard anything.

The next day, Youngjae gathered all his courage and decided it was time for him to apologize to Sarah. He left lunch early and waited next to her locker. She seemed surprised to see him. Before she could say anything, he bowed at a ninety degree angle and apologized with all his heart.

“It’s not your fault,” she told him kindly. Youngjae straightened from his bow but couldn’t look at her directly, still ashamed by what he had done. 

“Your relationship with Jaebum…” she continued hesitantly. Youngjae peeked at her out of the corner of his eye. Sarah frowned to herself, lost for words. She tried again: “You seem like a nice kid, Youngjae. Just be careful. The only time Jaebum showed any interest in me was when you were around. Like it was just… a show for you. At first I thought it was just a coincidence… but I think he _knew_ you would be coming home at that time a few nights ago.”

She paused and bit her lip. “Maybe I’m thinking too much. Just be careful.” 

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Youngjae assured her on autopilot. Her smile looked more like a grimace. 

That was the first and last time he ever spoke directly to Sarah. 

He didn’t know what to think. Sarah’s warning swirled in his thoughts, occupying his every waking moment. What did it mean? He tried to rationalize it in his mind but couldn’t. Why would Jaebum do that?

Aside from that confusion, Youngjae was happier than he’d been all year. There were no more girlfriends, and his relationship with Jaebum was better than ever. Jaebum was nicer to him than all his other friends combined. He came to every soccer game and practice, even though he was so busy with working extra shifts at the movie theater. They spent almost all their free time together -- watching movies, making dinner, just talking…

The school year was almost over and Jaebum had already been accepted into his first college choice. All the hard work he did last year applying for scholarships also paid off. He was chosen to receive a prestigious scholarship from the school of business that would pay all of his tuition costs and student fees as long as he maintained a 3.85 GPA or higher. 

When Jaebum showed him the award letter, he leapt up and threw his arms around Jaebum in a tight hug. “Congratulations, hyung!” he exclaimed. “You earned it.” 

Jaebum returned the hug and gently kissed Youngjae’s temple. Blushing, Youngjae hid his face against Jaebum’s broad shoulder. He definitely liked it more than he should.

But he put those thoughts on the backburner and just enjoyed his time with Jaebum. Summer was approaching fast and then Jaebum would be off to college, leaving Youngjae behind. 

He needed to savor this time while he still could.


	3. The Greatest Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we've earned that Explicit rating. ;) Enjoy!

Time always passed by faster when he least wanted it to.

In the blink of an eye, graduation day was upon them. Jaebum dressed in his cap and gown and walked down the aisle to receive his diploma. Youngjae cheered loudest of all, so loud Jaebum grinned at him as he was walking back to his seat among the other graduating seniors. 

Heartache was lurking behind Youngjae’s smile. They only had the summer, and then Jaebum would be gone. Youngjae wasn’t naive. Once Jaebum left for college, everything would change. The campus was over two hours away and Jaebum would be way too busy with school and work to come back home to visit. His tuition was paid for as long as he kept his scholarship, but he still needed to pay for housing and food. He would be working even more than he was now.

And any free time he did have would be spent with his friends. Youngjae knew Jinyoung had gotten into the same college and the two had plans to find an apartment near campus together. He had no doubts the two of them together would make a lot of new friends, and Youngjae would become nothing more than an afterthought, a period at the end of a sentence. Left behind when Jaebum's  _ real _ life begins. 

He tried not to think about it. He didn’t want his last summer with Jaebum to be filled with sadness, but it was hard. The weeks passed by faster than he could imagine, both him and Jaebum working full time and hanging out with their friends. 

Near the end of summer, Jaebum’s senior class decided to have one more party. Of course Jaebum invited him along, and this was how Youngjae found himself in the same basement he had been in last summer, surrounded by Jaebum’s friends and too loud music. The only difference was this summer, Jaebum let him try alcohol for the first time. Only half a cup, but still. 

It was a lot of fun. They talked and danced and enjoyed each other’s company. In Jaebum’s car on the way home, Youngjae realized that was the last time he would hang out with all of Jaebum’s friends together. It was a sobering thought. But even worse was the knowledge that Jaebum was leaving in less than two weeks. The reminder of how little time he had left made Youngjae want to do something reckless. He had nothing to lose.

He wasn’t drunk by any means -- he didn’t even feel tipsy anymore -- but he could blame what he said next on the alcohol he had consumed earlier that night.

“You know, hyung,” he said contemplatively, staring out the window. “You’re still the only person I’ve ever kissed.”

He didn’t turn to see Jaebum’s reaction, so he missed the way Jaebum glanced at him before looking back at the road.

“Are you interested in anyone?”

“Not really,” Youngjae shrugged, still staring out the window.

“No one?” Jaebum pressed. “I know Mindy thinks you’re cute. And I heard Amy say her younger sister has a crush on you.”

Youngjae blushed all the way to his ears, his heart picking up a staccato rhythm in his chest.

“I’m not really… interested in… girls…” he mumbled quietly, still purposely avoiding all eye contact.

Jaebum was quiet for a worryingly long time. When he did speak, he said, “Oh.” It sounded less like a word and more like a squeak.

Youngjae ducked his head, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. “Is that… bad?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Jaebum reassured. His voice sounded like it was coming from far away, as if his head was turned in the opposite direction, as if he couldn’t even look at Youngjae.

“Is it… okay with you?” Youngjae stared down at his hands in his lap. He’d never been more terrified in his life.

“I… yeah, of course.” If it was okay, then why did it sound like Jaebum was choking?

Youngjae bit his lip, hard. The rest of the ride back home was silent. Youngjae didn’t look up even once.

Why did he say that? What if Jaebum hated him now? W _ hat if he ruined everything --  _

He practically sprinted to his bedroom when they finally got home. He was prepared to live in his room for the next ten days so he wouldn’t have to face Jaebum again, but he wasn’t quick enough. Jaebum easily caught up to him. Gently, Jaebum grabbed Youngjae’s wrist and pulled him past Youngjae’s room and into his own. 

Jaebum closed the door softly, encasing them in darkness. The dim golden light from a streetlamp outside filtered in through the window.

Jaebum was breathing heavily. Or maybe that was Youngjae. He couldn’t think.

“So… are there any boys you’re interested in?”

Youngjae froze.

“I’d offer to help you, but I only have experience with girls,” Jaebum continued.

“That’s okay, hyung,” Youngjae tried, but was interrupted.

“I don’t know what other boys like. I only know what I like.”

Jaebum’s eyes seemed to shine in the darkness. Youngjae couldn’t breathe. His heartbeat pounded in his ears. He swallowed.

“What do you like, hyung?”

“Do you want me to show you?” Jaebum’s voice was like silk. Like sin.

Youngjae’s entire body was on fire. He was already getting hard and Jaebum hadn’t even touched him.

“Yeah,” he breathed, more of an exhale than a word.

Smirking, Jaebum pulled off his own shirt, revealing his pale, lightly muscled chest. He opened the drawer on his bedside table and pulled out a bottle of… lube?  _ Why did he have that?  _

“It’s better if it’s wet,” Jaebum explained.

_ Oh. Oh, god.  _

Jaebum sat on his bed and patted the space next to him. “Come here. You can watch.”

Youngjae stumbled to the bed gratefully, certain his legs were about to give out. He laid on his stomach, his head resting on one of Jaebum’s pillows. 

Jaebum reclined against the headboard next to him and slowly shimmied out of his jeans. He removed both of his socks and leaned back again, glancing over at Youngjae, who was hiding most of his face behind his arm, only his eyes peeking out so he could see.

Slowly, Jaebum’s hand trailed down his chest to the bulge between his thighs. He gripped himself through his boxers, the outline of his dick visible through the soft material. Youngjae’s own dick twitched in his pants and he bit his bottom lip to hold in a whimper.

Jaebum’s fingers dipped underneath the hem of his boxers, stretching the fabric. In one smooth move, he pushed his boxers down his thighs and past his knees, kicking them off to the floor. Then he reclined next to Youngjae, completely naked. His cock stood proudly at attention, the tip glistening with drops of clear liquid. Jaebum spread the moisture on the head of his dick with his thumb, sighing quietly.

“Do you know what precome is, Youngjae?” Jaebum asked softly, watching him.

“No,” Youngjae stuttered, his entire face heating in a blush. He wasn’t expecting Jaebum to ask him questions!

“It comes out when you’re…” Youngjae heard Jaebum swallow. “When you’re turned on.”

“Oh,” Youngjae squeaked, blushing to the tips of his ears but also very turned on. Slowly, he rubbed his dick against Jaebum’s mattress. He hoped Jaebum didn’t notice.

“Here,” Jaebum said. He swiped the pad of his index finger across his slit, gathering new drops of precome. Then he offered the finger to Youngjae. “You wanna taste?”

Youngjae didn’t hesitate. He removed his arm from in front of his face and leaned forward, opening his mouth and wrapping his lips around the tip of Jaebum’s finger. Jaebum rubbed his finger on Youngjae’s tongue so he could taste. It was very salty and had a gooey texture. He liked it.

Jaebum leaned closer, not quite touching him. “Is it good?” he whispered into Youngjae’s ear.

Youngjae shivered. “Mmm hmm,” he agreed. His entire body was overheating.

Jaebum slowly removed his finger from Youngjae’s mouth. He leaned impossibly closer. “Are you turned on?” he whispered, so softly. The air from his breath ghosted over Youngjae’s ear and sent tingles down his spine.

He whimpered, overwhelmed.

Jaebum’s lips brushed the shell of his ear. “Can I taste?”

_ Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god --  _

He pulled his shirt off with shaking hands. Jaebum watched as Youngjae fumbled with the button on his jeans. He waited patiently as Youngjae dragged his pants and underwear down with little fanfare, pulling his socks off and kicking the whole mess onto Jaebum’s floor.

There was a lot of precome leaking out of his dick. His blush intensified as he swiped his finger against it and turned to Jaebum, who grabbed his wrist and slowly brought Youngjae’s finger to his mouth. He wrapped his lips around it and licked it clean, swirling his tongue.

Youngjae was hypnotized by the way Jaebum’s lips looked wrapped around his finger. And his mouth was so warm, his tongue was so wet…

Jaebum released his finger and leaned away for a moment to grab the bottle of lube. Youngjae gasped, his lungs screaming for air. Had he been holding his breath that whole time?

“Breathe, Youngjae,” Jaebum instructed, grinning. “You okay?”

Youngjae nodded, hiding his face in the pillow. At this point he wondered if his blush would ever go away. “Don’t laugh, hyung,” he whined pathetically.

“I’m not laughing,” Jaebum reassured. “Youngjae. Watch.”

Compelled, Youngjae faced Jaebum again, his eyes glued to his hands and body. Jaebum squeezed a generous amount of lube onto one of his palms, and then took Youngjae’s hand and did the same to him. It dripped between his fingers onto the bed sheets. 

“I like to start off slow,” Jaebum murmured, too close and too far away all at once. He wrapped his hand around his dick in a loose hold, his thumb pointed up and his fingers creating a circle for him to fuck into. Youngjae mimicked him, moaning a little at the feeling of his wet hand on his overheated cock.

“I like to build up to it,” Jaebum continued softly. He sounded a little out of breath himself. He was watching Youngjae and Youngjae was watching him.

Jaebum shifted closer until their arms and legs were touching.

He whispered close to Youngjae’s ear, “I like to keep going until I almost come. And then I stop. And then I keep going. And then I stop. And then I keep going… until I can’t take it anymore.”

Youngjae whined in the back of his throat, clenching his eyes shut tight. He was going to have a heart attack. He was having heart palpitations.

“It feels so good… when you build it up for so long… and then finally come…” Jaebum’s breathy voice was going to be the death of him. Youngjae wouldn’t be building up to anything because he already felt like he was about to come.

But he wanted to do what Jaebum liked, so he dropped his dick and clenched his fist at his side.

“Are you close already?” Jaebum wondered. But it wasn’t said in a teasing way, it sounded almost… reverent. But it was probably just his imagination.

Youngjae opened his eyes and glanced at Jaebum, who was watching him. The bright light from the full moon illuminated his body. Youngjae bit his lip as his gaze travelled down to Jaebum’s hand, still languidly stroking his dick. He rubbed his thumb against the head on every upstroke, his eyes trailing down Youngjae’s body and back up to his face. Their eyes met and Jaebum’s cheeks darkened in a blush. He took his hand off his dick and rested it on his stomach. He was breathing hard.

“Now we wait a little bit,” Jaebum said quietly, breathlessly. 

Youngjae was burning up from the inside. Jaebum was so handsome, so attractive… It was unbelievable. Youngjae wanted to roll on top of him and press their bodies together. He wanted to touch him everywhere. He could stare at him all day and never get bored.

“Fuck… Youngjae…” Jaebum whispered. He reached over and pulled Youngjae’s lower lip from between his teeth, his thumb tracing over it gently. “Don’t do that. You’ll bite it off.”

Youngjae couldn’t respond. The thumb Jaebum pressed against his lip was the same thumb he had rubbed against the head of his dick… Youngjae let his mouth fall open and Jaebum’s thumb slipped inside.

Jaebum gasped softly and pulled away, cursing again. “Too fucking sexy for your own good…” That’s what it sounded like he said, but that couldn’t be right. His brain was playing tricks on him.

“Let’s keep going,” Jaebum murmured, and Youngjae followed suit, matching his pace. They did this for a while, stroking and stopping, stroking and stopping. It felt like it went on forever, but was probably only a few minutes. 

Youngjae’s hairline was damp with sweat, and it became harder and harder to pull his hand away each time. Their heavy breaths filled the room.

_ “Jaebum,” _ he whined. He wanted to  _ come, _ he didn’t want to wait anymore.

“Just a little more, Youngjae,” Jaebum instructed. Youngjae whimpered, but followed direction.

He felt like he’d been touching himself for hours. He was so aroused it  _ hurt. _ It was like torture. Sweet, sweet torture.

"Please. Hyung, please,” he begged.  _ “Please _ let me come, hyung.  _ Please --”  _

Lightning quick, Jaebum reached over and grabbed Youngjae’s hand, pulling it away from his aching dick.

“Fuck,” he swore. “Not yet, Youngjae. Not yet.”

“Hyung, I  _ can’t,” _ he protested.

“Just watch, then. Just watch,” Jaebum gasped, holding Youngjae’s hand against his chest and continuing to stroke himself with his other hand. 

Youngjae was already watching. Jaebum’s fair skin glistened with sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. He was panting, but he didn’t stop. His cock was long and hard, flushed red and leaking precome. When Jaebum let go of his dick for one of his breaks, Youngjae was fascinated by the way it twitched, drops of clear liquid oozing from the slit and dripping slowly down the head.

Then Jaebum started counting. First up to ten, then a break. Then eight, and a break. His hand was shaking. His dick was so red it looked painful. It was the hottest thing Youngjae had ever seen.

“One, two, three, four, five,” Jaebum hissed, his chest heaving. “Fuck. Fuck.” He released Youngjae’s wrist and traced both his hands over his chest, his eyes clenched shut.

“One, two -- oh, fuck,  _ I can’t stop -- !” _

Youngjae’s mouth dropped open in awe when ropes of come shot out of Jaebum’s cock as he threw his head back in ecstasy, his face screwed up in pleasure. 

Youngjae grabbed his dick and came almost immediately, the image of Jaebum losing control imprinted on his soul forever. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as his own come painted his chest. It went on and on, more intense than any orgasm he’d ever had before. 

He stroked himself through it, milking every last drop. Then he collapsed, completely spent. His body felt so heavy but he was floating on cloud nine. Aftershocks of pleasure throbbed in his veins. His mind was blank.

He must have fallen asleep, because it was morning when he opened his eyes. Soft light filtered in through Jaebum’s bedroom window. Jaebum’s arm was wrapped around his chest, holding him close in his sleep like he did when they were kids. It had been a long time since Youngjae came to Jaebum’s bed in the middle of the night when he was scared by a nightmare or thunderstorms. 

Youngjae was clean and back in his boxers. Jaebum must have wiped him down and dressed him while he was asleep. He wanted to feel embarrassed about that, but he was too comfortable to muster up the emotion. He closed his eyes again and drifted back to sleep.

The next time Youngjae woke, Jaebum was gone. He left a note for Youngjae on his bedside table. 

_ Good Morning, Youngjae. I had to leave early for work. I made oatmeal for breakfast, left some for you in the fridge. See you later, JB.  _

Youngjae smiled, lounging back on Jaebum’s pillows. He relaxed for a while, thinking. Then he finally dragged himself out of bed and made it neatly, straightening the sheets and fluffing Jaebum’s pillows on top.

He grabbed a pen from Jaebum’s desk and added to the note: 

_Thank you, hyung!_ ❤️ _Youngjae_

He left the note on Jaebum’s bedside table and wandered to the kitchen to eat the oatmeal Jaebum left for him. He ate on the couch, watching morning cartoons on TV until his father came down the hall. Youngjae hunched in on himself as the man passed by the couch on the way to the kitchen. 

“What are you doing? Put on some clothes, for christ’s sake!” he demanded scathingly. “Good for nothing…”

Youngjae ducked his head and hurried to his room, closing the door behind him softly. He didn’t know why his dad hated him. Nothing he did was good enough in the man’s eyes, so he stopped trying long ago. It was going to be hell living there without Jaebum. He really didn’t want to think about it.

Even after that night, Jaebum and Youngjae interacted normally. He’d been worried things would be awkward, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was so normal sometimes Youngjae wondered if it was all just an elaborate dream.

(He knew it wasn’t, though. He would never forget.)

The night before Jaebum was going to leave, he got into a fight with their father. Youngjae hated it when Jaebum and their dad argued. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was brutal. Their heated voices echoed through the small house. A part of Youngjae just wanted to hide in his room, but a larger part of him was curious. What were they arguing about so adamantly the night before Jaebum left for college?

He creeped quietly down the hallway, hiding and eavesdropping. 

“I mean it, Jaebum! He is not staying here anymore! I forbid it!” his father yelled.

“That’s fine! I was never going to leave him here in the first place!” Jaebum retorted, just as heatedly.

“What is  _ that _ supposed to mean?! You’re not taking him with  _ you!”  _

_ “Of course I am! _ What --”

_ “No! Unacceptable! _ You don’t need him distracting you while you’re trying to study!”

Youngjae’s heart sank lower and lower as the argument went on. His blood ran cold. Were they arguing about… him?

“He’s  _ not a distraction!  _ He’s my  _ brother, _ and I’ll be  _ damned _ before I let you -- _ ” _

“He’s  _ not _ your brother, and he’s  _ not my son!  _ I should have given him away after your mother died --”

_ “Shut up!” _ Jaebum screamed, angrier than Youngjae had ever heard him. He shouted more words, but Youngjae couldn’t hear them. All sounds filtered to his brain as if he was hearing them while underwater. He registered noises in the background but didn’t understand their meaning. Was this a joke? Did they know he was listening?

Standing mechanically, Youngjae rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. “Hyung?”

Jaebum spun around, eyes wide. “Youngjae!” he exclaimed, but then froze, unable to continue.

Youngjae’s hope plummeted. Jaebum’s terrified expression said everything he needed to know, no words necessary. They’re not actually brothers… and Jaebum  _ knew. _

Youngjae couldn’t breathe. His ears were ringing. 

At the same time, his father screamed, “Were you eavesdropping on us?!  _ You rat!” _

He grabbed Youngjae’s shoulder and squeezed painfully.

“Don’t touch him!” Jaebum burst into action, forcing his body in between their father and Youngjae, a protective physical barrier. They argued some more, but the ringing in Youngjae’s ears became louder and louder, drowning out all other sounds.

He leaned back against the wall and slid slowly to the floor, unable to support his weight. His eyes were open but he couldn’t see. Everything was spinning.

Two strong arms wrapped around his back and lifted him to a seated position. His head fell forward onto Jaebum’s shoulder. 

“Youngjae? Can you hear me? Youngjae?”

He tried to breathe deeply, nausea building from the dizziness. “Don’t feel good…” he whimpered. It was as if his mental anguish was manifesting itself physically, incapacitating him. 

Jaebum gave him a cold glass of water to drink and half-carried him upstairs to Youngjae’s room. He let Youngjae rest on the bed while he… did something.

Finally, after an eternity, Youngjae was able to open his eyes without feeling the world spinning around him. Jaebum was rummaging through his closet, taking clothes off of hangers and folding them into a duffel bag.

“Hyung… what are you doing?” he asked quietly. He still couldn’t believe what he had unintentionally discovered, but more than anything he just felt… tired.

“Oh! Youngjae,” Jaebum said. He seemed relieved to see him awake. “Can you help me pack? There’s another bag over there -- take everything you can think of.”

“Pack? Why?” He sat up slowly, still a little shaky.

Jaebum wouldn’t look at him. “We’re going to my apartment.”

Oh. Right. Because the man downstairs… wasn’t his real father. 

And he didn’t want Youngjae to stay in his house anymore.

Wordlessly, Youngjae grabbed the other bag and started stuffing clothes inside. All his underwear, socks, pajamas, jeans, tee shirts, sweaters… Everything he really needed. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be allowed to come back. His world had changed in the blink of an eye.

Jaebum’s car was already packed with all his own things, but they stuffed Youngjae’s into the backseat until it was almost overflowing. It was very late when they finally left. His… no,  _ Jaebum’s _ father didn’t even say goodbye. Youngjae hugged his pillow to his chest and watched in the side mirror as the house slowly disappeared from view.

Youngjae didn’t know what he should be feeling. He didn’t want to stay at that house without Jaebum. He used to daydream about the idea of moving to Jaebum and Jinyoung’s new apartment to live with them… but he never thought it would actually happen.

And especially not like this.

Jaebum called Jinyoung, explaining the situation and that he and Youngjae would be arriving at their apartment early that morning.

Youngjae bit his lip and listened quietly. His eyes filled with tears and his throat closed up. He swallowed a few times before he spoke, his voice ragged:

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Huh? What for? Why?” Jaebum’s voice was infinitely gentle.

“Because,” his breath hitched. “You’ve always had to take care of me, and I’m not even your real brother. I’m just a burden, for you and now Jinyoung-hyung, too. I’m sorry, hyung.”

He started crying in earnest, gasping as tears slid down his cheeks.

“None of this is your fault, Youngjae,” Jaebum said. “And you’re not a burden. You never have been.”

Youngjae sniffled, staring out the window. Of course that’s what Jaebum would say, because he didn’t want to hurt Youngjae’s feelings. But Youngjae knew the truth. Jaebum had told his father he had always planned to bring Youngjae along when he left for college, but that wasn’t true. That wasn’t true, because if it  _ was _ true, he wouldn’t have waited until  _ the night before _ leaving to tell Youngjae about it and frantically pack.

And that meant he  _ hadn’t _ been planning to bring Youngjae with him. Only his father’s threat to throw Youngjae out on the streets forced his hand. He probably felt trapped. He didn’t really want Youngjae there. Of course he didn’t, why would he? This was supposed to be a new chapter of his life, and Youngjae was just a shackle on Jaebum’s ankle.

He would try his best not to hold him back.


	4. Living Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :) All feedback is loved! <3

They arrived at the apartment several hours later.

Youngjae had been there once before to help Jaebum and Jinyoung pick out and move the second-hand furniture they bought to fill the apartment. They managed to find a nice long couch at a garage sale, and Youngjae went straight for it after Jaebum opened the door, setting his bags on the floor near the wall. Then Youngjae helped Jaebum carry everything else inside. 

When they were finally done, Youngjae collapsed on the couch, ready to pass out from exhaustion. There were two bedrooms in the apartment -- one for Jinyoung and one for Jaebum -- so Youngjae would take the couch.

Jaebum hovered near him awkwardly. Youngjae was prepared to ignore him, but then he cleared his throat.

“You can sleep in my bed, Youngjae,” he said.

“No thanks, hyung,” Youngjae responded, not looking at Jaebum. “I’m fine here.”

It’s not that he didn’t want to sleep in Jaebum’s bed -- he helped pick out the mattress, he knew it was comfortable -- but Jaebum was just too nice for his own good sometimes. There was no way Youngjae would take Jaebum’s bed and make him sleep on the couch. It was  _ Jaebum’s _ bed, Jaebum should sleep there.

“Umm… you sure? It’s big enough for both of us, I don’t mind sharing.”

Youngjae ducked his head, his cheeks heating in a blush. “It’s okay, hyung,” he mumbled. “I can sleep on the couch.”

Jaebum was just too nice. There was no way he actually  _ wanted  _ to share his new bed with Youngjae.

“Okay,” Jaebum said. “Well… let me know if you need anything.” Then he went to his bedroom and closed the door softly.

Youngjae exhaled a heavy sigh. Doubting thoughts about the situation started creeping in on him, but he pushed them all away. He just wanted to sleep.

Jinyoung arrived the next morning. He gave Youngjae a long hug and assured him he could stay with them as long as he wanted. Youngjae nodded but didn’t say anything. He helped Jinyoung unload his car, and they spent most of the day unpacking and cleaning. Youngjae tried not to let his thoughts overwhelm him with worry, but it was hard.

Jaebum and Jinyoung would be starting classes on Monday, and high school classes would begin two weeks after that. But what would he do? He wasn’t enrolled in any high schools in this area. Maybe he could just… show up? Well, he still had two weeks to figure it out. He’d think of something.

In the meantime, he tried to be as helpful as he could while staying out of the way as much as possible. It would have been easier if they set some sort of ground rules for Youngjae to follow. Instead, he asks Jaebum if he can borrow his laptop so he can research how to be a good roommate. He also finds the nearest library so he won’t have to borrow Jaebum’s laptop for everything.

Youngjae explored the nearby area while Jinyoung and Jaebum were in class. He found a job at a coffee shop within walking distance and would start working part time so he could help pay for rent, or at least some utilities.

Other than that, there wasn’t much to do. He remade the couch after sleeping on it all night, folding his blanket and storing his pillow in the small linen closet. He did all the dishes and wiped the kitchen counters and swept the hardwood floors. The apartment was small with only one bathroom, so cleaning didn’t take much time at all. He didn’t dare go into Jaebum or Jinyoung’s bedrooms.

He really tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, but he could tell Jaebum wasn’t happy. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Was he having trouble with his classes? Was it Youngjae’s fault? He didn’t know how to ask or how he could help. He didn’t know if Jaebum would even  _ want _ his help. Their communication with each other wasn’t good, mostly because Youngjae never knew what to say to him anymore.

He had so many questions. Was he adopted? Who were his real parents? Had Jaebum known they’re not real brothers the whole time? Why didn’t Jaebum ever  _ tell him?  _

At least now he finally knew why Jaebum’s father never loved him. 

Inevitably, the atmosphere in the apartment was… tense. Youngjae knew it was his fault but didn’t know how to fix it. It got so bad Jinyoung tried to help even though he usually preferred to mind his own business.

“Are you angry with Jaebum?” he asked one morning while Jaebum was at class, sitting next to Youngjae on the couch.

“No,” Youngjae frowned. “Why would you think that?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “You two don’t really talk. Why not?”

Then it was Youngjae’s turn to shrug. “Hyung… did you know...?” He wasn’t sure how to ask.

“Did I know you’re not actually related to Jaebum by blood?” Jinyoung offered.

Youngjae nodded.

“Yes. Jaebum told me when we were freshman in high school. So I guess its been a few years…”

“Who else knows?” Youngjae frowned. Was he the only one in the dark?

“Only me, as far as I know,” Jinyoung said comfortingly. “And he only told me because I noticed… well, it doesn’t really matter. Why aren’t you speaking to Jaebum if you’re not upset with him?”

Youngjae shrugged again. “I don’t know what to say. I know he doesn’t want me here, but I have nowhere else to go…”

“Wait -- what makes you think Jaebum doesn’t want you here?”

“Because…” Youngjae studied his hands, his fingers twisting nervously. “He only invited me to live with you two after my… after Jaebum's dad threatened to throw me out of the house. If he really wanted me to live with you guys, he would have asked me before… right?”

Jinyoung hummed contemplatively. He thought quietly for a while about what Youngjae said, his fingers drumming against the back of the couch behind Youngjae’s head.

“Okay,” he said, making a decision. “I’m going to tell you something, but don’t tell Jaebum I told you.”

“...Okay,” Youngjae agreed with some hesitance.

“Jaebum  _ does  _ want you here.” He held a hand up to silence Youngjae’s protest. “I  _ know  _ he does, because it was a requirement to live with him.”

Youngjae’s face scrunched up in confusion. What did  _ that _ mean?

“Let me explain,” Jinyoung said. “As you know, Jaebum and I were both accepted into college at about the same time. I figured we might as well live together since we’re going to the same school. But when I asked Jaebum if he wanted to share an apartment with me, he said he would only if I agreed to let you live with us.”

Youngjae’s eyes widened in surprise. “But that was… back before graduation,” he recalled.

“Mmm hmm,” Jinyoung agreed. “He was planning for you to live with us even back then.”

Youngjae was shocked. “So… you knew I’d be living here?”

“Yes.” Jinyoung smiled.

“But… if he was planning it the whole time, why didn’t he tell me?”

Jinyoung sighed. “I asked him the same question, you know? ‘Why didn’t you tell Youngjae?’ And he said, ‘Because I wanted him to ask.’”

Youngjae didn’t understand. “He wanted  _ me  _ to ask? What? To live with you guys? How could I do that?!”

“Yeah…” Jinyoung sighed again. “Jaebum is smart, but he didn’t think that one through at all.”

“I… Okay.” Youngjae was still very confused. It didn’t make any sense. But he knew Jinyoung wouldn’t lie to him. “Thanks for telling me, hyung. I think I feel a little better now.”

“Good,” Jinyoung smiled again. “You can always come to me if you need help, or if you want to talk.”

Youngjae blushed a little bit. “Thank you, hyung.” 

Well, that was unexpected. Jaebum wanted  _ him _ to ask? But  _ why? _ And if he knew Youngjae would be living with him, then why did he seem so… sad? Youngjae planned to ask him about it, but was distracted when Jaebum returned from class later that afternoon with a package.

“Hello, hyung,” he greeted. “What’s that?”

“It’s for you,” Jaebum said, smiling a little.

“For me?” Youngjae perked up excitedly. Jaebum got him something? “But it’s not my birthday yet.”

“It can be… an early birthday present.”

Youngjae grinned. “Can I open it now?”

Jaebum nodded. His cheeks were pink.

Youngjae carefully opened the box with a pair of scissors. He gasped when he saw what was inside. 

“A laptop?!” he shrieked. “Really!? For me?!”

Jaebum nodded, grinning.

“Oh my god! Thank you, hyung! Thank you, thank you!” He threw himself at Jaebum, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding tight. A laptop! His very own laptop! He was ecstatic.

Jaebum stumbled a little under his weight, but was able to stay upright. He wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s waist. “You’re welcome,” he murmured.

A laptop just for him! Youngjae was so happy, he could kiss Jaebum! He wouldn’t  _ actually  _ kiss him, of course. But he wanted to.

Blushing profusely, Youngjae stepped away from Jaebum, leaning over to study his new laptop, hiding his face. What was wrong with him? Jaebum was still his brother, even if they weren’t actually related by blood.

“I, um…” Jaebum cleared his throat. “I got you this so you could play games, but it’s also for school.”

Youngjae tilted his head in question. “For school?”

“Yeah. I enrolled you in online high school early last summer. Sorry I didn’t ask you first…” Jaebum rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. 

“Online school?” Youngjae blinked. “At the beginning of summer?”

Jaebum nodded. His cheeks were  _ really  _ pink now, and Youngjae realized he was blushing.

Youngjae felt his own cheeks heat even more in response, but he still asked anyway:

“So, you… knew I would be living with you even back then?”

“Yeah. I never planned to leave you with… my father. I should have told you earlier. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, hyung… and you enrolled me in online high school so I can stay here… so… you really do want me here?”

Jaebum’s eyes widened. “Yes! Of course!”

Youngjae narrowed his eyes. “You’re not just being nice?”

Jaebum laughed. “I’m not  _ that  _ nice, Youngjae. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you here.”

Youngjae beamed at him, overcome with relief. It was one thing to hear it from Jinyoung, but something else entirely to hear it from Jaebum himself. 

He hugged Jaebum again, resting his head on Jaebum’s shoulder. “I love you, hyung,” he said, blushing from his ears to his toes. He wanted to die from embarrassment, but he  _ had  _ to say it. 

“I love you, too,” Jaebum murmured, and Youngjae’s heart soared.   
  


****

Living together was a lot better after that. Now that he knew both Jaebum and Jinyoung wanted him there, a huge burden was lifted from his shoulders. He also didn’t have to worry anymore about what he was doing for school.

His online classes started and soon he was busier than ever with homework and his part time job. He still wondered about who his real parents were and how he ended up in Jaebum’s family, but he ignored those questions for now. He had a different problem he needed to tackle first:

The couch.

He  _ hated _ the couch. He didn’t want to sleep on it anymore. It was fine for the first month or so, but it was getting harder and harder to fall asleep each night. It was so uncomfortable. But he couldn’t just  _ ask _ Jaebum to share his bed, could he? That would be weird, wouldn’t it?

But then he remembered what Jinyoung had said. Jaebum didn’t ask Youngjae to live with them because he wanted  _ Youngjae  _ to ask instead. So… maybe he  _ could  _ just  ask? The worst that Jaebum would do was say no, right?

He waited until an evening when him and Jaebum were alone. He didn’t know where Jinyoung was, but it didn’t really matter. Their movie finished, and Jaebum was about to get ready for bed. It was now or never. 

“Jaebum hyung?” he called. It was dark in the apartment, so hopefully Jaebum couldn’t see the blush on his cheeks.

“Hmm?” Jaebum answered, curious.

“Can I sleep with you, hyung?” 

His blush intensified tenfold.

“I mean -- this couch is so uncomfortable, and -- and you said --”

“Yeah, sure,” Jaebum interrupted his frantic attempt at explaining himself. “I don’t mind sharing.” He smiled warmly at Youngjae.

Well. That was easy. He wished he hadn’t spent so much time agonizing over asking about it. They got ready for bed and both went into Jaebum’s room. Jaebum cuddled him close under the covers and he grinned, giggling softly.

“Good night, Jaebum hyung,” he murmured sleepily, eyes already closed. It was so warm and comfortable, he had no trouble falling asleep. 

  
  


****

  
  


Sharing the bed with Jaebum was the best decision he made in a long time. Who knew getting a good night’s sleep could affect a person’s mood so much? And not only was Youngjae happier, Jaebum seemed happier too.

He liked to visit Youngjae at the coffee shop while he was working. His female coworkers would blush and giggle when he entered. Jaebum would order his coffee and then walk around to the side where Youngjae prepared the orders. Sometimes he didn’t even say anything, he would just stand there and smile, watching. Youngjae blushed every time. 

Then one day, one of his older coworkers approached them.

“Hey, Youngjae-yah,” she grinned. “Who is this? Aren’t you going to introduce him to us?”

“Oh. Hi, noona,” Youngjae said. “This is my… Jaebum.” He immediately wanted to hit himself. He’d meant to say, ‘This is my brother,’ but that  _ technically _ wasn’t true.

She raised her eyebrows dramatically, cackling. “Ooh! You never told us you have a boyfriend!”

“He’s not my boyfriend, noona,” Youngjae whined while Jaebum laughed heartily.

Youngjae would rather just forget it ever happened, but Jaebum thought it was great. Whenever he had a chance to introduce Youngjae to someone new, he would say, “This is my Youngjae,” and Youngjae’s cheeks would darken in a blush. Jaebum didn’t seem to care that most people assumed they were dating. And that, more than anything, made Youngjae unbelievably happy.

But, he was still curious.

There was still a part of him that wanted to know more about his past. Who were his real parents? And did he even  _ want  _ to meet them? But most importantly, he was curious about why Jaebum never told him. Why would Jaebum keep a secret like that for his whole life? They still could have had a close relationship without being related to each other. So why not tell him? It was a mystery. He wanted to know.

So one night, he got ready for bed early and waited for Jaebum to join him. Jaebum slid under the covers next to him, but instead of letting Jaebum wrap his arms around him, he rolled toward Jaebum so they were facing each other.

“Can I ask you a question, hyung?” He asked quietly, his voice subdued.

“Yeah. Of course,” Jaebum agreed, just as quietly. “What is it?”

Youngjae bit his lip, nervous. “Why… why didn’t you ever tell me I’m adopted?”

Jaebum froze. He even seemed to stop breathing for a moment, until he let out a shaky exhale. This was definitely a sensitive subject for him. “It’s… complicated,” he said.

Youngjae waited.

Jaebum sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t tell you because… it’s not a happy story. For you.”

Youngjae’s heart made itself known in his chest, starting to pound at double speed. “What do you mean?” 

“I never told you because I want you to be happy. The truth… is not happy. Ignorance is bliss, Youngjae.” He had never heard Jaebum speak so seriously to him before. “But, I’ll tell you if you really want to know.”

“I…” Youngjae swallowed. He was scared, but was even more curious than before. “I want to know.”

Jaebum shifted closer until their faces were just a few inches apart. “Okay. I’ll tell you.” His voice was the quietest of whispers. “The first thing you should know is: I don’t know who your real parents are.”

“Oh.” Youngjae couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Then he was confused. “Why not?”

Jaebum hesitated. “Youngjae…” Huh. He really didn’t want to talk about this. Was it that bad?

Jaebum gathered himself and continued. “I met you when I was five years old. It was a Saturday. My parents were busy, so I was exploring the neighborhood by myself. I went further than I usually did, more into the city.” He paused. “It was garbage pickup day.”

Suddenly, Youngjae had a really bad feeling about this.

“There was an alley between two apartment buildings,” Jaebum whispered. “I was walking by and I heard… crying. It was you. I found you there.” Jaebum swallowed, and had to visibly force himself to continue. “You were in a trash can.”

Youngjae’s heart was beating so hard it hurt.  _ “What?”  _ he choked.

“You couldn’t move because you were wrapped up in a blanket,” Jaebum went on. “Someone put you in there and closed the lid.”

Youngjae buried his face in the pillow so Jaebum wouldn’t see him crying.

“I took you home with me. The police did an investigation, but no one came forward with any information. My parents wanted to put you up for adoption…”

Youngjae sobbed. Every word Jaebum spoke was another knife in his chest.

“But I convinced them to let me keep you.”

Youngjae didn’t miss how Jaebum said  _ me _ instead of  _ us.  _ “Why?” He cried. “Why would you want to keep me?” No one else did. His own parents  _ put him in the trash. _

“Because you’re  _ mine,” _ Jaebum growled. He reached over and pulled Youngjae onto his chest, squeezing him tight.  _ “I _ found you, and you’re  _ mine.”  _

Youngjae gasped, his breaths heavy and wet.

“You don’t know what it was like,” Jaebum whispered fervently in his ear, urging him to listen. “To look in the trash and find  _ you.” _ Jaebum’s voice was raw, like he was holding back tears.  _ “A treasure. _ I  _ begged  _ my parents to let me keep you. And if they had refused, I would have visited you every day, wherever you were. Doesn’t matter if you were in the orphanage or with another family, I would have been there. Because you're  _ mine, _ and I  _ love you.”  _

“I love you, hyung,” Youngjae responded, pressing the words into Jaebum’s neck. He didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know what to do.

Someone had put him in the trash and left him there to die. No wonder Jaebum never told him anything. Who would want to learn that about themselves? Pretending to be Youngjae’s real older brother was so much easier, and kinder.

“It’s okay to be sad,” Jaebum whispered. He combed his fingers through Youngjae’s hair. “But you don’t need to be. I’m here. And I’ll never leave you.”

More tears leaked out of Youngjae’s eyes. Jaebum held him even tighter, so tight it was hard to breathe. But it was good. It reminded him he wasn’t alone.

  
  


****

  
  


Ignorance really is bliss.

But while the truth of Youngjae’s past hurt him, he also learned valuable information about Jaebum, and what he learned about Jaebum warmed all the cold places in his heart. Jaebum  _ loved _ him, more than Youngjae ever knew.

And Youngjae loved Jaebum. He loved Jaebum more than he could understand or explain. More than he ever thought possible. He wanted  _ \-- needed -- _ to tell him. To  _ show _ him.

He couldn’t hold back any longer. He was going crazy.

He was going to  _ explode.  _

Jinyoung had joined the photography club on campus and had meetings every Tuesday evening. After that he went out for dinner with his other friends and wouldn’t return until later. On one of those Tuesday evenings, Youngjae waited until him and Jaebum were done cleaning the dishes from their dinner. Then, when Jaebum was drying his hands on a kitchen towel, Youngjae stepped behind him and wrapped his arms around Jaebum in a hug.

“Youngjae? Is something wrong?” Jaebum asked. He finished drying his hands and then turned around to face Youngjae, returning his embrace.

Youngjae rested his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth and the feeling of Jaebum’s body against his. Slowly, he tilted his head and pressed his lips against Jaebum’s neck, kissing him softly.

Jaebum gasped and Youngjae felt it when the other boy swallowed. “Youngjae…” he warned.

Instead of responding, Youngjae kissed him again, making his way slowly up Jaebum’s neck to his jaw. Jaebum was breathing harshly, his hands hot on Youngjae’s hips, holding tight.

“Youngjae…” he warned again, louder this time, but Youngjae didn’t stop. He could feel Jaebum’s heart pounding under his lips.

Lightning fast, Jaebum spun them around and pressed Youngjae back against the counter. Softly, so softly, he pressed his lips against Youngjae’s.

_ Yes, yes, yes. _ Youngjae wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s neck and deepened the kiss. He parted his lips and Jaebum licked inside his mouth slowly, purposefully. Youngjae was dizzy with arousal. He wanted more.

Shamelessly, Youngjae shifted his hips and pressed his aching dick against Jaebum’s thigh, letting him feel how hard he was. Jaebum broke the kiss and moaned brokenly into Youngjae’s ear. He slotted his thigh between Youngjae’s legs, letting him rub up against it. It felt so good he could cry.

Jaebum kissed him again, slotting their lips together. He threaded his fingers through Youngjae’s hair and held him exactly where he wanted him. His mouth was warm and wet and tasted like the vanilla ice cream they had for dessert.

Youngjae wanted to  _ eat _ him. He was so turned on he was going to come in his pants just from rubbing his dick on Jaebum’s muscular thigh. He wanted it so much, he didn’t even care if he should be embarrassed. 

Without breaking the kiss, Jaebum gripped the back of Youngjae’s thighs and lifted him onto the kitchen counter. Youngjae moaned into his mouth, opening his legs so Jaebum could fit himself in between them. Jaebum held him tightly, pressing his groin against Youngjae’s, rubbing their hard cocks together through their clothes.

They both moaned at the contact. Youngjae wanted more, more, more. He wrapped his legs around Jaebum’s waist and locked his ankles together, drawing him in tighter. Jaebum turned his head, breaking their kiss and panting heavily, his chest rising and falling with Youngjae’s as they both caught their breath. 

“Tell me to stop,” Jaebum growled in his ear.

His voice sent shivers down Youngjae’s spine. “Don’t stop,” he begged. “Please don’t stop.”

Jaebum’s mouth latched onto Youngjae’s neck and  _ sucked.  _ Youngjae cried out, tilting his head to give Jaebum better access. He squeezed his eyes shut.

_ “Jaebum,” _ he moaned breathlessly. “I’m gonna come.” He was so close. He was gonna come  _ so hard -- _

He whined when Jaebum stepped away from him, but didn’t have time to complain as Jaebum pulled him off the counter and led them both to his bedroom. He pushed Youngjae down on the bed and slammed the door shut.

“You wanna come, baby?” Jaebum crooned. He unbuttoned Youngjae’s jeans and pulled them down and off along with his underwear and socks. Youngjae’s dick was already red and sticky with precome. “Tell me what you want.”

“Touch me, hyung,” he whimpered. “Please touch me. I’m so close, I want it  _ so bad --”  _

Jaebum lowered himself between Youngjae’s legs on the bed. He spit into his hand and wrapped it around the base of Youngjae’s cock, his other hand reaching to push Youngjae’s shirt up to his armpits. Then he leaned down and sucked the tip of Youngjae’s dick into his mouth, licking the slit.

_ “Oh my god!” _ Youngjae screamed. Just the image of Jaebum’s red lips wrapped around his cock was enough to make him come. “I’m coming!” he warned, even as he tried to thrust his dick further into Jaebum’s mouth.

Jaebum held his hips down with one arm and pulled off, stroking Youngjae’s dick and watching spurts of come shoot out onto Youngjae’s stomach.

Youngjae was left panting at the end of it, his limbs heavy, mind foggy with pleasure. Jaebum crawled up the bed and kissed him, licking Youngjae’s lips and tongue.

“Tell me to stop,” Jaebum repeated, almost too quiet for Youngjae to hear.

“Don’t stop,” Youngjae murmured. “Want you to come on me.” His entire body flushed with heat after he said it, but it was worth it when Jaebum groaned like he was dying.

Jaebum's hands were shaking a little as he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down and off. The hard bulge in his boxer shorts was visible and Youngjae stared at it, unable to look away. Should he return the favor for Jaebum? He’d never sucked a dick before (never even touched one other than his own) but he was willing to try it for Jaebum. He wanted to make Jaebum feel  _ good. _

“Jaebum,” he called softly. With his thumbs hooked in the waistband of his boxers, Jaebum’s eyes flicked to his in question. 

Youngjae didn’t know how to ask, so he opened his mouth a little wider in silent invitation and stared at Jaebum’s crotch, blushing to the roots of his hair.

Instead of pulling his boxers off, Jaebum removed his hands from the waistband and cupped Youngjae’s face, rubbing his thumbs over his heated cheeks. He kissed Youngjae over and over, until he was breathless and dizzy. His blood thrummed molten hot in his veins, and despite his orgasm just minutes earlier, Youngjae started getting hard again.

Jaebum broke the connection between their lips and gazed down at him. “One day,” he whispered heatedly, “I want to put my dick in here.” He dipped the tip of his thumb past Youngjae’s lips. “Inside your perfect mouth.” He kissed Youngjae again, like he couldn’t help himself. When he pulled back, he was panting. “I think about it… constantly,” he confessed. His cloth-covered dick was hard and hot where it pressed against Youngjae’s hip.

“But not today,” Jaebum said. “Today, I want to fuck you here,” and he took two fingers and slid them between Youngjae’s thighs.

“My thighs?” Youngjae stuttered, still overwhelmed by what Jaebum said about his mouth.

Instead of answering, Jaebum stumbled to the dresser and pulled a bottle of lube out of his underwear drawer. Youngjae watched him pull his shirt and boxers off, greedily drinking in the sight of him. 

Jaebum kneeled on the bed, uncapping the lube. “Take this off?” He requested, tugging at Youngjae’s shirt, which was still bunched up high on his chest. Youngjae pulled it off over his head and dropped it to the floor. Jaebum paused for a moment, just watching him as he laid back on the bed. His eyes trailed from Younajae’s face to his chest, then to his come-covered stomach and lower still. He squirted lube onto his hand and began to stroke his dick slowly, getting it wet. Youngjae bit his lip at the sight, his arousal spiking.

“Turn over?” Jaebum asked, and Youngjae rolled over onto his stomach. He leaned up on his elbows so he could look at Jaebum over his shoulder. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Jaebum drizzled the lube all over his ass and the back of his thighs, getting it everywhere. Then Jaebum capped the lube and threw it carelessly onto the floor, not taking his eyes off Youngjae. He could almost feel Jaebum’s gaze like a physical touch on his skin.

Then Jaebum did touch him, starting with his lower thighs and travelling up to his ass, spreading the lube and massaging it into his skin. He gasped as Jaebum squeezed rhythmically, his hands hot on Youngjae’s flesh. Youngjae moaned quietly, shifting so he could rest his chin on his pillowed forearms. Jaebum’s hands on him felt so good -- better than anything else. 

Jaebum pushed his legs together and bracketed them with his knees. He leaned over Youngjae and slowly, oh so slowly, slid his wet, hard cock between Youngjae’s thighs right below his ass.

“Oh,  _ fuck,” _ Jaebum cursed. He pressed Youngjae’s hips against the bed, holding him there. 

Youngjae hissed quietly as his oversensitive dick was shoved against the mattress. It didn’t hurt, but it was  _ a lot.  _

Jaebum moved slowly, dragging his cock back and forth in the tight space between Youngjae’s thighs. Youngjae liked it a lot more than he thought he would. He had no idea the inside of his thighs were so sensitive. He was more than happy to be used this way if that was what Jaebum wanted. Low-level arousal simmered in his veins. It felt nice, but wasn’t overwhelming. 

But then, Jaebum shifted and laid his entire body on top of Youngjae’s. He wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s chest from behind, holding him tightly. Youngjae couldn’t move with Jaebum’s full weight on him. All he could do was squirm and whine as his dick was pressed even more forcefully into the bed below him. 

Jaebum grinded on him slowly, his body completely enveloping Youngjae’s, and there was something about being mounted like this that fucked with Youngjae’s head. More than that, Jaebum’s soft moans in his ear were driving him crazy. 

Oh god, Youngjae was hard again. He almost couldn’t believe it. Could he come again just from this? 

_ “Mmm. _ Youngjae. So good,” Jaebum crooned in his ear.

Youngjae could only whimper in response. Fuck. Oh, fuck. He was going to come again just from this. Just from Jaebum’s hot dick between his thighs, his hips grinding Youngjae’s pelvis against the mattress. Jaebum’s thrusting hips were so dirty -- so suggestive -- it was like he was being fucked. And  _ that  _ thought… the thought of Jaebum’s dick not between his thighs but in his _ass…_ it burned him up from inside out and scrambled his thoughts.

“Youngjae… you make me crazy,” Jaebum groaned softly. 

“Ngh,  _ Jaebum,” _ Youngjae whined. He squeezed his thighs together tightly as arousal thrummed in his veins like electricity.

_ “Yes, _ just like that,” Jaebum encouraged.

_ “Ah! Ah! Ah!” _ Youngjae gasped as Jaebum pounded him into the mattress.

Jaebum growled and flipped them over so he was on his back with Youngjae on top of him. Youngjae blinked at the ceiling, his back held tightly against Jaebum’s chest. Jaebum’s knees bracketed his legs, squeezing his thighs together even tighter, and the image of Jaebum’s hard cock sliding in between his thighs was almost enough to make him pass out. Now it was  _ Youngjae’s _ turn to groan like he was dying. He was so unbearably turned on. He was mesmerized by the sight of Jaebum fucking his thighs, the head of his cock wet and red, precome dripping everywhere. He couldn’t look away. He wanted to  _ taste _ it. 

_ “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” _ Youngjae moaned, overwhelmed. He could barely comprehend the filth Jaebum was whispering in his ear. 

“Are you hard again, baby? Wanna come again? So good, Youngjae.  _ So good. _ So fucking good, you’re  _ perfect --” _

Jaebum’s thrusting hips stuttered, his rhythm becoming erratic as he tipped over the edge. He moaned in Youngjae’s ear as he came, stripes of his come landing on Youngjae’s abdomen and all over his cock.

Jaebum didn’t miss a beat, sliding one hand down Youngjae’s chest through the mess of come on his stomach and wrapping his fingers around Youngjae’s dick in a tight, wet grip. 

Youngjae squirmed, crying out at the contact. He was so sensitive, it felt almost  _ too _ good. It was on the border of being too much, but at the same time he  _ wanted _ it. And if Jaebum stopped, he would probably  _ cry. _

With his free hand, Jaebum rubbed Youngjae’s nipples and pinched them softly between his fingers. He mouthed along Youngjae’s neck and jaw, crooning encouragement sweetly in his ear. 

Youngjae came again moments later, his entire body going taut like a live wire. Jaebum stroked him through it, and released him when he relaxed, boneless and weightless. He was panting, his eyes were closed and he couldn’t open them even if he wanted to.

“Youngjae… my Youngjae… I love you so much,” Jaebum murmured, kissing his jaw softly. 

“My Jaebum,” Youngjae sighed, reaching blindly. He found the back of Jaebum’s head and threaded his fingers through Jaebum’s hair. 

Jaebum held him tightly and didn’t let go.

****

How did a college freshman get invited to one of the university’s biggest parties?

Because his boyfriend is the sexiest man on campus, that’s how.

# End 


End file.
